Choosing a Life Partner

And at first glance, research seems to back this up, suggesting that married people are on average happier than single people and much happier than divorced people. But a closer analysis reveals that if you split up "married people" into two groups based on marriage quality, "people in self-assessed poor marriages are fairly miserable, and much less happy than unmarried people, and people in self-assessed good marriages are even more happy than the literature reports." In other words, here's what's happening in reality:

Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be. A single person who would like to find a great relationship is one step away from it, with their to-do list reading, "1) Find a great relationship." People in unhappy relationships, on the other hand, are three leaps away, with a to-do list of "1) Go through a soul-crushing breakup. 2) Emotionally recover. 3) Find a great relationship." Not as bad when you look at it that way, right?

All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course. It's your life partner.

Thinking about how overwhelmingly important it is to pick the right life partner is like thinking about how huge the universe really is or how terrifying death really is — it's too intense to internalize the reality of it, so we just don't think about it that hard and remain in slight denial about the magnitude of the situation.

But unlike death and the universe's size, picking a life partner is fully in your control, so it's critical to make yourself entirely clear on how big a deal the decision really is and to thoroughly analyze the most important factors in making it.

So how big a deal is it?

Well, start by subtracting your age from 90. If you live a long life, that's about the number of years you're going to spend with your current or future life partner, give or take a few.

I'm pretty sure no one over 80 reads Wait But Why, so no matter who you are, that's a lot of time — and almost the entirety of the rest of your one existence.

Five Stupid Things Cheaters Say and How to Respond

Cheaters say the darndest things.

If you've ever had the misfortune of being cheated on, you've probably found yourself gobsmacked at the excuses cheaters give.

Haven't you wanted the perfect rejoinder? Wouldn't you love to know what's going on inside their noggins to make them spout such nonsense?

Well, wonder no more. Here's five stupid things cheaters say and how to respond.

I didn't intend to hurt you.

Hurting you was unintentional? Cheating is about as deliberate as a NATO airstrike. There's nothing unintentional about secret cell phones, dating profiles, diverted monies, and clandestine hook-ups. It takes a lot of planning and premeditation to cheat. What was unintentional was you finding out about it.

Cheaters prefer the passive voice language of "mistakes were made" after discovery. (No pronouns, no responsibility!) In the real world, people don't just accidently land on each other's genitals. It's not a "mistake" or something that "just happened." That sort of language distances cheaters from personal responsibility for their crappy choices.

"I didn't intend to hurt you" is gas lighting with some blame shifting thrown in for good measure. Hey, hurting you wasn't a conscious choice. If you want to interpret what I did as hurtful, well, that's on you. But it's not how I intended it. See how this trick works? The onus shifts from the cheater (who didn't intend to hurt you) to you (a person who has mistakenly taken offense where offense wasn't intended). Left out of the equation is that they did something offensive.

"I didn't intend to hurt you" is a gem of impression management. Yes, they are cheaters, but not bad people. It's not like they go around feeling like Dr. Evil, plotting your downfall. Hurting you was completely beside the point! You're a bit of collateral damage, that's all; so don't take it so hard. What's important to remember is that the cheater is still a splendid person.

The fact is they didn't care if they hurt you. Not enough. They did the risk benefit analysis and screwing around won out over your feelings every time.

Weird Facts About Cheating

You won't believe what researchers dug up this time
Size does matter…just not the size of what you think.

A new study claims that women are more likely to cheat on their man if he has big balls. (Yep, you read that right.) Researchers from the University of Oslo studied monkeys, grasshoppers, and sea urchins specifically—and they found that a female is more likely to have other sexual relationships if her mate has large testicles.

The testicles of humans are one-and-a-half times larger than those of gorillas—and researchers say this shows that we are an unfaithful race by nature.

Personally, we'd like to know why they decided to study monkeys, bugs, and sea urchins to determine human behavior, but we digress. The point is that you'd probably have to have big balls to interject yourself into someone else's relationship. (Bro code, guys?)

Hungry for other bizarre facts found from cheating studies? Here are 10 research-backed findings that had us doing a double take:

Things Everyone Gets Wrong About Marriage

Know what you’re really getting into before you say “I do.”

For something most of us have either done or plan to do someday, getting married sure comes with a lot of myths. We can credit old-school mindsets and princesses living “happily ever after” for most of them. Here are six of the biggest things most women get wrong about marriage. You’ll be thrilled about some. Others, not so much.

1. Half of All Marriages End in Divorce
Flip a coin: Heads you get divorced. Tails you don’t. Sounds pretty bleak, right? Luckily, it’s also false. The 50/50 stat came from a 1970s projection after courts legalized no-fault divorce and people started getting them left and right. In the mid '80s, the divorce rate actually peaked around 66 percent, says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great. And it’s much lower now. According to 2009 data from the U.S. Census Bureau, 30.8 percent of all marriages ever have ended in divorce, and research shows that in 2011, just 3.6 people got divorced out of every 1,000 adults.

  2. Happy Couples Don’t Argue
“A lack of conflict means you aren’t dealing with things that matter,” says Orbuch, who has followed more than 350 couples for 28 years and found that, yes, happy pairs fight. What’s more, research from the University of Tennessee shows that couples who recognize that there’ll be rough patches in their relationship are more satisfied over the long haul. “What makes happy marriages different from unhappy ones is that the spouses learn how to deal with conflict and disagreements in a healthy, productive manner,” says Orbuch.

Finally, a Scientific Answer to Why Guys Love Round Butts

This explains a lot.
This article was written by Markham Heid and provided by our partners.
It's no secret that many men love a full tush—but why? It may be because women with curvy behinds made better nomadic child-bearers back in the day, according a new study from the University of Texas.

You’ve probably never thought about "lumbar curvature" or "vertebral wedging." But the study authors have. And their research shows men tend to go gaga over a woman with the type of spine curvature that makes her butt seem to pop out or protrude.

If you're like the average man, you're especially attracted to a woman with a spine that curves roughly 45 degrees above the top of her butt, the research shows. "This degree of curvature would have enabled ancestral women to shift their center of mass back over their hips during pregnancy," says study coauthor David M.G. Lewis, Ph.D.

Back in hunter-gatherer times, human beings were constantly on the move. Staying still was a death sentence. So women who could keep walking long distances even while very pregnant had an advantage in terms of reproduction and survival.

Lewis says a 45-degree lumbar curvature allows a woman to carry the weight of her unborn baby in a way that makes her less vulnerable to spinal injuries than women with more or less curvature. Thousands of years ago, this would have helped her to keep moving and foraging during the later stages of pregnancy—a huge plus, says Lewis.

Apparently, modern man hasn't lost his taste for curvaceous, baby-bearing derrieres—at least according to this research.

What Each Sex Position Feels Like for Guys

Take a wild guess at which one makes him scared for his penis.

It’s highly likely that you have a ranking of your favorite sex positions. Maybe girl on top makes you feel like the hottest cowgirl-goddess hybrid at the rodeo but doggy style just ends with your cervix feeling like one giant bruise. It’s the same for guys; here’s a glimpse inside a man’s mind when you’re getting it on.

Missionary
“It’s classic. I like starting this way the most, so it has the added benefit of being associated with the feeling of first entry. There's nothing like slipping into her warm wetness down there. It makes me think there's a reason humans evolved to have sex this way. Plus, if I get too close to coming early, I can just think about the name of the position, and it keeps me from going over the edge. Missionary: sexy position, unsexy name.” —Sam J.

 “Good old faithful. Though I think missionary is over-used, it serves several good purposes. It's the position where I feel most in control of what is going on, probably partially due to my familiarity with it since it’s over-used. When I have that control, I’m more capable of making myself orgasm, and I'm all for orgasms. It's also a good go-to position when you are working with inexperienced girls. They feel more comfortable when you’re on top doing the work. The drawback is that women sometimes feel like their role here is to just lie back and enjoy. As much as I love seeing a woman's face as she experiences pleasure, so much more can be done while you're on your back. Just because you're on your back doesn't mean you're out of the fight. You have hands, lips, a voice, etc.” —Adam K.

The 14 Best Things About Being in a Relationship

Because some things are just better with a buddy (who you happen to be dating)

There's no doubt that being a single lady is definitely fun, but that doesn't mean that you turn into some boring twosome when you enter a relationship. In case you need some reassurance while your single girlfriends are busy going on Grouper dates, check these out:

Real-talk: Being "Facebook official" is kind of awesome. Going from single to in a relationship with one little click feels as good now as it did when you were in college. Plus, all those "likes" and comments on your new relationship status totally give you warm, fuzzy feelings.

You know those times when you want to be alone—but not completely alone? That's when your sidekick comes in. Whether you're bingeing on Netflix together or taking a nap outside in the park, it's totally normal to just enjoy each other's company in silence.

5 Signs You're in a 'Better Than Nothing' Relationship

Are you a serial monogamist—or a serial settler?

You’ve heard it said a million times that you’re better off alone than with someone who’s not right for you, but clearly the people who say that have never experienced the special sadness that comes with a mall food court dinner for one. You may not be with Mr. Right, but if you’re a serial monogamist, you’ve likely become so accustomed to having someone beside you that (almost) anyone will do. Here are five signs that what you have is not the real deal, but rather another notch on your codependent belt.

1. You're Meh About Whether You Guys Have Sex This Week

Sex is the connective tissue in a romantic relationship. Without it, you guys aren’t a couple; you’re just a couple of people who sometimes eat dinner in the same room. If you’ve been with him for a while, you may have convinced yourself that plenty of couples have sex once a month—and you’re right.  It’s just that generally those are the couples who are about to break up. If you’re not interested in seeing him naked, you might want to get very interested in seeing him to the door.
 

5 Weird Reasons Women Sometimes Fall for A-holes

It's not you, it's his striking resemblance to your father.

You probably think you have a good sense for what gets you totally smitten. A whip-smart wit, an awesome sense of adventure, a seriously huge heart—whatever it is, you can usually spot a good one. So why is it that you sometimes find yourself drawn to a guy who makes your head say no, no, no…but makes your heart say yes, yes, yes? Here are just a few things that science says might lead to you falling hard, despite your best intentions:

1. He's the Male Version of You
We know, we know, it's opposites that are supposed to attract—but several studies over the years have shown that the more alike you are, the stronger the attraction. From having the same sense of humor to looking similar, all the stuff you have in common could cancel out his more unsavory qualities (you know, the ones you don't share).   

2. You Met in a High-Pressure Situation
You may remember this one from Psych 101: When the adrenaline starts pumping, so does attraction. Suddenly, the crazy dates on The Bachelor make so much more sense—nothing forces you to fall quick and hard like bungee jumping, free falling, and climbing the San Francisco Bay Bridge on a date, right?

Myths About Pregnancy

Could everything you know about pregnancy be wrong? Get your facts straight

Think you've got the whole birds-and-bees thing figured out? Turns out, much of what we know about baby-making is based on old wives' tales instead of scientific research, according to the just-released book, Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong — and What You Really Need to Know. Prepare to have your mind blown.

Myth: Pregnancy Lasts Nine Months

Truth: In reality, the length of your pregnancy can vary by as much as five weeks, according to a 2013 study published in the journal Human Reproduction. When you deliver ultimately depends on your age, your weight, how much you weighed at birth, and a slew of other factors.



Myth: Sex while you're pregnant can hurt the baby.

Truth: In almost all cases, sex shouldn't affect your little one, says Shari Brasner, M.D. assistant clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive science at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City and a member of the Women's Health expert advisory board. There are some exceptions, though: If your placenta is positioned between your cervix and vagina or if you're at a high risk for a preterm birth, ask your doctor before doing the deed.

Weird Reasons Women Sometimes Fall for A-holes

It's not you, it's his striking resemblance to your father.
You probably think you have a good sense for what gets you totally smitten. A whip-smart wit, an awesome sense of adventure, a seriously huge heart—whatever it is, you can usually spot a good one. So why is it that you sometimes find yourself drawn to a guy who makes your head say no, no, no…but makes your heart say yes, yes, yes? Here are just a few things that science says might lead to you falling hard, despite your best intentions:

1. He's the Male Version of You
We know, we know, it's opposites that are supposed to attract—but several studies over the years have shown that the more alike you are, the stronger the attraction. From having the same sense of humor to looking similar, all the stuff you have in common could cancel out his more unsavory qualities (you know, the ones you don't share).   

Attention, Fellas! Use ALL Five Senses To Get In The Mood

 Attention men everywhere, psychologist Esther Perel has a message for you: "He who looks down there is wasting his time."


Confused? Allow her to explain. More women are stimulated by not just touch, but words. When it comes to hot sex games, if you want to engage your partner on every single level, you're going to need to capture all five of their senses.

When you do this, you're not only creating a stronger and more meaningful experience for both of you but building on your relationship in a way that lights your brain on fire (figuratively speaking).

Esther has an exercise for you: let your partner touch your hand and tell them exactly how it feels, tying your words and feelings together. Then, reverse it. Touch your partners hand and listen closely to what they tell you.

How to Choose the Right Partner

Do you have an ideal partner sketched out in your head? Perhaps you have a shopping list of “must have” traits. If so, you are not alone. The most common characteristics people want in their partners include honesty, intelligence, sense of humor, stability, communication, and common hobbies and interests. Though men and women might seek similar traits in a partner, research has demonstrated that each gender focuses on different qualities. Men typically want a relationship that allows autonomy, while women look for a sense of connection.

To begin your quest to find the right partner, think about the traits and behaviors you prefer. Most people automatically think of superficial traits such as height or eye color. Though these traits may be important to you, other traits may also be more important when it comes to having a healthy, long-term relationship. Here is a list of some important qualities to consider:

Are Your Birth Control Pills Hurting Your Sex Drive?

The experts say that oral contraceptives could be causing your libido malfunction — or not. We attempt to decode the mixed messages about birth control and sex.

1. Libido Loss

Scan the list of side effects that comes with your birth control pills — you know, the piece of paper that you toss in the trash every month. That little insert will tell you that oral contraceptives can cause everything from weight gain and breast tenderness to nausea, dizziness and...loss of libido? Come to think of it, you did start feeling a little different when you began taking these things. Could your birth control be preventing pregnancy in a way you hadn't planned?

According to some women who have experienced a drop in sex drive while on the pill, the answer is yes. Lisa*, a 33-year-old Web designer from New York City, blames oral contraceptives for a year-long libido malfunction she experienced after moving in with her now-husband. "When I realized I had no drive at all, I talked to my doctor, who said it was possible that it was the pill" causing the problem. "So I stopped taking it and used a barrier method, and things got really good again."

How the Scale Sabotages Your Sex Life

Obsessing about your weight is a major turnoff. Learn how to lose your inhibitions, boost your libido, and regain your lust for, well, lust.

The Connection Between Weight and Libido

As Michelle Haynesworth struggled to shed 40 pounds after her first daughter was born five years ago, she lost something else instead — her libido. "I didn't enjoy sex anymore," says Michelle, 35, now a student in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. "I did it only because I knew it would hurt my husband's feelings if I didn't." She always insisted on the missionary position, to hide her "jiggly" body beneath his, and she felt self-conscious every time he touched her stomach, thighs, or butt. "All that would go through my mind was, Let's get this over with so I can get some clothes back on," she recalls.

Whenever newlywed Shawna Wolf's husband gives her a wanna-get-it-on glance, the 23-year-old music teacher in Strasburg, North Dakota, heads him off by suggesting they take their dogs for a walk. "I got in the best shape of my life for our wedding, but afterward I gained a few pounds, especially in my middle," she says. "My confidence is so zapped, I leave my shirt on during sex."