You’ve heard it said a million times that you’re better off alone than with someone who’s not right for you, but clearly the people who say that have never experienced the special sadness that comes with a mall food court dinner for one. You may not be with Mr. Right, but if you’re a serial monogamist, you’ve likely become so accustomed to having someone beside you that (almost) anyone will do. Here are five signs that what you have is not the real deal, but rather another notch on your codependent belt.
1. You're Meh About Whether You Guys Have Sex This Week
Sex is the connective tissue in a romantic relationship. Without it, you guys aren’t a couple; you’re just a couple of people who sometimes eat dinner in the same room. If you’ve been with him for a while, you may have convinced yourself that plenty of couples have sex once a month—and you’re right. It’s just that generally those are the couples who are about to break up. If you’re not interested in seeing him naked, you might want to get very interested in seeing him to the door.
2. You Never Think About Your Future Together
When you find yourself dreaming about that house with the perfect walk-in closet, where is he? Helping you add shelving to it, or far, far away bothering some other woman with his needlessly long stories? You don’t exactly need to be picking out save the dates for the relationship to be healthy, but if you guys avoid the topic of the future like it’s the sticky seat on the bus, there’s a good chance it’s because you both know that you’ll be spending it in different relationships. Now, if only you had a crystal ball to tell you whether future you ends up with a guy who doesn’t regularly sprinkle the sink with his back hair shavings...
3. You Find It Hard To Relate to Friends In Thriving Relationships
Ugh. You’re friend has been with her boyfriend for three years, and they are still so in love, and you will tell her how happy you are for her as soon as you can stop throwing up in your mouth. Being stuck in a stagnant relationship while your friends find meaningful ones is frustrating and alienating and would totally be unfair if you weren’t choosing to stay in this situation against your better judgment. Do you bend the truth about how you guys’ sex life is so as not to alarm friends who may otherwise become concerned that your vagina is growing cobwebs? Do you find your friends have a hard time telling you that you and your man are a “cute couple” whilst keeping a straight face? Someone get you a covered wagon because sister, you are a settler.
4. You Guys Both Default to Making Separate Plans
This may come as a surprise if you’ve been with Mr. Stand-In Boyfriend for a while, but people who are dating generally go on dates. Of course, spending some time apart is a healthy. (Plus, you need girlfriend time for mani-pedis and thoughtful discussions about whether you should get bangs.) If your default mode on a Friday night, however, is to roll sans him, maybe, just maybe, it’s because you kind of want to roll sans him?
5. You Have A Mild Crush On, Like, Every Guy You Come In Contact With
What do your boss, barista, and personal trainer all have in common? They’re all thoughtful, sensitive, and amazing in bed (at least in your imagination). If your daydreams are essentially a rolodex of every Y chromosome that crosses your path, perhaps it’s time to make saying good-bye to him a reality. Yes, it will mean some lonely nights; and yes, that’s exactly what vibrators were invented for.
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