Everyone knows that breakups in general are the freaking worst, but one of the toughest failed relationships to get over is a friendship. No matter the reason for your split, ending a friendship can make you feel as miserable—if not more miserable—than breaking up with a dude you've been seeing. After all, wasn't she the one who helped you get over all those mediocre guys of the past?
But just like cutting the cord in a toxic romantic relationship can help you see the light, ditching a friend who doesn't bring out your best side can teach you a lot about yourself and what a healthy friendship should actually look like.
So we asked Women's Health readers to spill what things became clear after they decided to call it quits with a girlfriend. Here, the lessons they learned post-breakup:
"Walking away from a friend of 20 years was one of the most difficult things I've had to do. She was there for me after my first serious relationship ended and no one else would listen. But when I met someone new, she got really controlling and jealous. I had to slowly back off until eventually we stopped speaking. I felt guilty at first because I thought I owed her for helping me get through my breakup. But now I realize that I didn't owe her anything. Friends are supposed to be there for each other, not control your life." –Deb B.
"I've had to cut off friends before, and each time, I felt a sense of relief. I needed to stop doing things for people who expected my help and didn't appreciate it. I learned that real friendship is a two-way street." –Luisa P.
"It's sad to break off a friendship with someone you've know for a long time, but it can also be positive. Some bad friendships are like being with the wrong partner in that you're sticking it out because you've known each other for so long. I concluded that if I met that friend now, rather than 20 years ago, we wouldn't be friends." –Carrie G.
"When I broke up with my best friend, I was sad and thought about her every day. Eventually, I moved on and I learned that people truly do come into your life for a reason. Although I may not have realized it when we first cut ties, I've grown as a person because of her." –Samantha M.
"When my friend had a baby, we drifted apart. We both wanted different things in life, but I still miss her whenever I see something that would make us laugh. I've learned that people and priorities change—but it doesn't make it easier to get over." –Jenaayye L.
"A friend of six years and I fed into each other's insecurities and bad habits. We were constantly in competition and had a weird definition of being there for one another. We texted all day, every day, and it turned into an unhealthy codependency. I decided to end it because it felt more like an addiction than a friendship. I learned that constant communication with a friend doesn't necessarily make a good friendship. Friends shouldn't tear each other down." –Coey F.
"A friend whom I used to be close with was always putting herself down and complaining about her life, and it was emotionally draining. It seemed like she was incapable of enjoying time with friends without brooding about her problems. I found that I don't have time for emotional vampires like her." –Christina G.
"When I broke up with a friend, I realized how much I relied on that person and discovered the little holes she left behind in my life—but I knew that it was all for the better. I learned that you need to give yourself a mourning period. Don't let anyone tell you you're being dramatic. You just lost a super important person in your life—you're going to feel it!" –Anna B.
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