9 Ways Therapists Can Tell If Your Relationship Won't Work

Here’s how the pros know if you're headed for troubled times.

This article was written by Cari Wira Dineen and provided by our partners at Prevention.

The sound of his chewing is beyond annoying. And let's not get started on how she never, ever makes the bed. "These little issues are totally normal in any relationship and aren't indicative of whether or not your romance will survive," says Melissa Cohen, a couples therapist in Westfield, New Jersey. But, according to Cohen and many other relationship experts, there are several warning signs they notice during sessions that signal bigger problems—and threaten the viability of their patients' relationships. Ready to assess the strength of your union? Here are nine big red flags to look out for.

1. Your Conflicts Include Criticism and Contempt.
Instead of saying, "Please unload the dishwasher," it sounds more like this: "Do you have some sort of mental condition? Or are you just too stupid to remember to do what I asked?" Notice how the criticism is not about the task—it's about the person. Any version of "What is wrong with you?" basically attacks the other person's character, which, when done regularly, can chip away at the relationship. As for the contempt part, that means you feel superior to you partner. Often, this can sound like, "Why do I have to do everything around here? You do nothing to help out." Contempt is also expressed nonverbally: eye-rolling, sneering, or imitating the person's mannerisms. And contempt just causes more conflict.

If you are stuck in a cycle of negativity, Cohen suggests that you make five positive comments to offset one negative comment. "If, say, you criticized your husband about his terrible driving, force yourself to make at least five endearing comments throughout the rest of the day to smooth things over," she says.

What 8 Women Learned From Breaking Up With Their BFFs

Some friendships weren't meant to be forever.

Everyone knows that breakups in general are the freaking worst, but one of the toughest failed relationships to get over is a friendship. No matter the reason for your split, ending a friendship can make you feel as miserable—if not more miserable—than breaking up with a dude you've been seeing. After all, wasn't she the one who helped you get over all those mediocre guys of the past?

But just like cutting the cord in a toxic romantic relationship can help you see the light, ditching a friend who doesn't bring out your best side can teach you a lot about yourself and what a healthy friendship should actually look like.

So we asked Women's Health readers to spill what things became clear after they decided to call it quits with a girlfriend. Here, the lessons they learned post-breakup:

"Walking away from a friend of 20 years was one of the most difficult things I've had to do. She was there for me after my first serious relationship ended and no one else would listen. But when I met someone new, she got really controlling and jealous. I had to slowly back off until eventually we stopped speaking. I felt guilty at first because I thought I owed her for helping me get through my breakup. But now I realize that I didn't owe her anything. Friends are supposed to be there for each other, not control your life." –Deb B.

"I've had to cut off friends before, and each time, I felt a sense of relief. I needed to stop doing things for people who expected my help and didn't appreciate it. I learned that real friendship is a two-way street." –Luisa P.

8 Signs It’s Definitely Time to Break Up

For those times when nothing big and horrible happened—but nothing is feeling right either

Sometimes relationships end after a huge shouting match. Sometimes one person cheated. Sometimes one partner is moving or is ready to get married or wants to have kids. And sometimes, a relationship just runs its course. That last scenario, though, can be hard to interpret: How do you know when it’s time to call it quits, versus when you’re just going through a rough patch? We spoke with relationship experts to get a list of eight crucial signs to look out for. If several of these apply to you, and if you’ve worked on them to no avail or if it just feels too late, it could be time to cut the cord.

You’re Fighting Over EVERTHING

Fact: Fights happen. And some couples just naturally fight more than others. But if your argument pattern is changing and you’re starting to pick fights over the littlest, most insignificant things, that could be an indication that something’s awry, says relationship therapist Rachel Sussman, LCSW, author of The Breakup Bible.

You’re Staying Later and Later at the Office

“The whole essence of being in love is that you always want more,” says Jane Greer, Ph.D., New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. If you’re not feeling any desire to hurry home after a long day at work, ask yourself why.